XXL.com

It’s not often that men and women alike can tell a rapper “don’t quit your day job” and genuinely mean it. But when it comes to porn stars and their short-lived attempts at rap stardom, that’s surely the case. Who hasn’t, at one time or another, watched a porno?

Crickets… Tumbleweeds…

We wouldn’t blame you for claiming ignorance when it comes to Brian Pumper, however. Hell, the XXL office is full of folks wishing they could un-hear him rap. First came (no pun intended) the adult movie vet’s “Oh, and It’s Shaved” video earlier this month, co-starring actor Laurence Fishburne’s barely-clothed daughter Montana, followed by the completely random and unlistenable Jay-Z diss “She Ain’t Satisfied” (“she” referring, of course, to Beyoncé).

The reviews surfaced in hilarious ways, from some of Pumper’s own friends making fun of his jewelry to his face (“50 Cent don’t care about you, or your pinky ring”) in online clips, to Jamie Foxx calling him “the worst rapper ever” on his Sirius radio show The Foxxhole. We’ve heard worse, actually, but still. We’ll let Jamie have that one.

If the thought of a porn star trying to spit (sorry, sorry… euphemism overload) seems strange, realize that Pumper’s misguided shot at hip-hop success isn’t the first instance of a porn-to-rap reach. Let’s revisit five of his XXX-rated predecessors.

HEATHER HUNTER

Consider her porn-rap’s by-default champ. However, the now-retired “actress” from hip-hop’s credited birthplace, the Bronx, wasn’t bestowed with chops equal to her borough’s hardest female MC, Remy Ma. That didn’t stop Hunter from releasing Double-H: The Unexpected back in 2005, nor did it prevent the AVN Hall-of-Famer (think baseball’s Cooperstown but for pitchers and catchers of a more sordid kind) from collecting beats by DJ Premier and Scott Storch. Her on-the-microphone resume also includes tracks with Above the Law, Kool Keith, Esham and N.O.R.E. Not half bad for a gal who’s starred in such revisionist classics as Screw the Right Thing and Coming on America.

Heather Hunter “So Serious”

Parable - That Feelin’ from Parable MC on Vimeo.

What better way to celebrate the release of a book full of your lyrics than to get your fans together and perform them? That’s exactly what Joe Budden did last night (August 10) in honor of the release of his new book, Enter the Mind of Joe Budden, which features the words from over a dozen of his and his fans’ favorite songs.

Going down in front of a sold-out crowd of loyal followers at downtown New York City venue S.O.B.’s, the concert gave Budden the chance to rock a wide range of songs from his catalogue, from joints off his 2003 self-titled debut, to tracks from his Mood Muzik series, as well as internet-only releases “Broken Wings” and his remix to Alicia Keys’ “Unthinkable” [watch below]. The New Jersey native even gave one lucky audience member a chance to get onstage show how well he knows the words for “Walk With Me.” [Watch below]

After performing “Pump It Up,” Joey jokingly acknowledged that many of his fans prefer his introspective records to his Grammy-nominated first single. “You think I give a fuck y’all don’t like ‘Pump It Up’?” he asked. “I don’t.” He ended the night on a different note, with Mood Muzik 3’s seven-plus minute “All of Me,” a sure fan-favorite—as exhibited by the many in the crowd that rapped along.

Budden’s Internet Soldiers came out in full force for the event, as a line started for the 9 p.m. show by mid-afternoon. People either paid $30 for regular entrance, $55 to see the New Jersey rhymeslinger before the show or $100 for an additional t-shirt and a copy of his rhyme tome. After the hour-plus set, many attendees stuck around to get their chance to ask the Slaughterhouse MC a question, as he held a post-performance Q & A session.

Originally, only 300 copies of the book were printed. However, after they sold out in two days, more were added. You can still order yours here.

Budden’s Mood Muzik 4 is set to drop on October 26. —Adam Fleischer

Turn to page two to watch more videos from the event.

Grammy award-winning producer Nottz—known for his work with such heavy-hitters as Kanye West, Snoop Dogg, Scarface, Game and Lupe Fiasco— is gearing up to release his first album, You Need This Music, this fall.

The 14-track LP, which will showcase the beatsmith’s abilities on the mic, will feature guest appearances from Snoop Dogg, Travis Barker, Royce da 5′9″, Little Brother, Asher Roth, Joell Ortiz, Dwele, Mayer Hawthorne and Bilal, among others.

The album is due out in stores October 12 on indie, Raw Koncept.

In related news, Nottz has just finished working on Rah Digga’s new disc, Classic, which is entirely produced by the Norfolk, Virginia-native. The former Flipsquad MC’s disc, also on Raw Concept, is set for a September 14 release. —Brooklyne Gipson

These days, it seems rare that an album actually drops on its original release date. This reality is now one facing Cam’ron and Vado’s collaborative offering, Gunz N’ Butta.

As previously reported, the Harlem natives were preparing to drop the album on August 31. However, XXLMag.com has learned that the album has been rescheduled for a September 14 release date.

“It’s our first album and I promise it’s so much of a classic,” says Vado of the 16-track LP. “It’s like all the Boss of all Bosses tapes put together. We hit y’all from all angles—we hit y’all from the streets, for the ladies, for the club.”

Last week, the duo dropped a video for the album’s first single, “Speakin’ Tungs.” Check it out here.—Adam Fleischer

Earlier this year, Rick Ross put out a song called “B.M.F.,” named after Black Mafia Family, the infamous drug dealers. Young Jeezy, who was supposedly once a member of B.M.F. put out a song called “The Real B.M.F.,” featuring a hot 16 from incarcerated B.M.F. kingpin Big Meech, as mentioned in the chorus of the Rawse song. Rawse responded in part by enlisting Big Meech’s mother, who’s either broke, or attracted to fat men with beards (possibly both), and also by putting out an album people actually like. It didn’t sell well enough to beat Eminem’s Recovery, which had already been out for like a month and a half, but I suspect that that’s because Eminem has somehow managed to tap into the country music market, similar to what Nelly did with that album Suit, which was quite literally the only album anyone would ever buy back when I used to work at K-Mart. Suit had an country song on it. (It only took me like five years to forget how it goes, and I hope I don’t remember all of a sudden.) With Recovery, I suspect that it’s a matter of Eminem being white in a black-dominated industry, which I’m sure resonates with the teabaggers, and very simplistic themes, like the courage it takes to resist substance abuse, and the fact that you should try not to hit women. I never did get around to watching the video for “Love the Way You Lie,” or whatever it’s called, but I saw a few stills from it on a site where I go to obsessively collect pictures of Ashley Greene, and it looked like some shit I might have seen on CMT back when I was at East Bumblefuck State, out in Chicken Switch, MO, hot white chick and everything.

But I digress.

No one seemed to give a shit that Young Jeezy knows how to contact Big Meech in prison, and the only people Rick Ross knows how to contact in prison are the people who check underneath inmates’ ballsacks for contraband, his former colleagues, so Young Jeezy put out another version of “B.M.F.,” called “Death Before Dishonor (B.M.F. Freestyle).” In case it wasn’t clear before that Rick Ross, who’s not really a drug dealer (well, I’m sure he buys drugs, but that doesn’t count), is trying to make a name for himself by pretending to be a member of a group Young Jeezy was actually in, Jeezy makes it as plain as he possibly can, as if he had any choice in the matter. To wit: “How you blowin’ money fast? You don’t know the crew. Oh, you part of the fam? Shit, I never knew.” Aww dang… What’s next? A song called “I Really Did Used to Sell Drugs (Rick Ross Is a Cop)?” Or is that possible? It might not be, since Rawse and Young Jeezy are on the same record label, and this beef was probably orchestrated by the TIs. At they very least, it’s been tacitly condoned. If Young Jeezy is really so upset with Rick Ross, he should at least mention him by name.

I doubt it would make a difference, even if he did. It’s not like people don’t understand that Rawse is a fraud. What it comes down to is that Rawse makes good (by 2K10 standards) music. Simple logic would dictate that if Young Jeezy made music that was equally as good as Rawse’s music, then Young Jeezy would have the slight advantage over Rawse, since Young Jeezy really did sell drugs, which is something to look up to in the black community. Though I’m not sure how you’d go about determining that. I’m reminded of a question from my formspring about which one I’d rather get with, a bitchy white chick, or a chill black chick. Of course, it was impossible for me to say without knowing what these girls look like. If one of them looks significantly better than the other one, then I guess that’s the one I’ll be making sweet, passionate love to, and on. But what if they were equally as good-looking (like exactly), aside from race. As a firm believer in the possibility of quantifying a woman’s beauty, that doesn’t seem impossible to me. I’m just not sure what form it would take. We might not have the technology to find, say, the black equivalent of Zooey Deschanel, though I’m sure some chinaman is working on it. Maybe Young Jeezy could have him figure out how well he needs to rap to make people give a shit that he used to sell drugs.

Why can’t we all just get along?

It’s a simple question with an intricate answer. Even the closest of friends sometimes get in fights, but they often find ways to make up. In hip-hop, though, when group members beef with former comrades or bosses, it’s usually only for a handful of reasons: money, respect, and the occasional “creative differences.”

Recently, Slo Down, the masked mascot member of the St. Lunatics, came out complaining about the way he was treated within the group, saying that when it came time to split the money, Nelly would get half and he wouldn’t be included in the rest of the split. Slo isn’t the first dude to take issue with his treatment by a former friend. Here are nine artists who fell out with their respective camps and how they bounced back (or didn’t).

1) YOUNG BUCK (G-UNIT)
After reported tensions surrounding Young Buck within G-Unit for a few months, the Tennessee native was officially dismissed by The General. 50 called in to New York’s Hot 97 and let the world, and Buck, know where the Southern MC stood in the group—which was, well, nowhere. “You can look at it and see that’s Game all the way,” said Fif. “I was giving [Buck] a chance, giving him the benefit of the doubt [to remain with the group]. You can take this as an official notice right here. Pretty much you can say: Young Buck is no longer in the group G-Unit, but signed to G-Unit as a solo artist.” Not long after, 50 leaked a now infamous phone conversation between himself and Buck, during which it was revealed that Buck owed money to his boss. Oh, and he did some crying and pleading.

After the Fact: Buck has released a few diss records, but nothing that has proved to shake 50 (surprised?). His third solo album, and first since the fallout, is yet to be released.

2) GAME (G-UNIT)
After connecting to help Game have major success on his early singles from his debut album, The Documentary, 50 Cent and the Compton native were soon embroiled in an intense war of words. 50 was feuding with Fat Joe and Jadakiss for teaming up with Ja Rule on 2005’s “New York.” When 50 felt Game didn’t step up enough to ride for his G-Unit brethren, he kicked the West Coast member out of the group. There were plenty of words, diss songs, a press conference to attempt to bring the feud to a halt, and more diss songs. How quickly friends can become enemies.

After the Fact: Game has dropped two successful albums and a number of mixtapes. He is currently readying the release of his fourth solo project, The R.E.D. Album.

Rick Ross had the hood going crazy with his hit single, “B.M.F. (Burning Money Fast),” and everyone shouting out incarcerated street legend Big Meech, among others. While everyone and their baby mama has hopped on the track with their own take on the street anthem, the one person folks wanted to hear was Young Jeezy, since he actually knows Meech. Well, yesterday the ATL trapper finally gave in and released “Death Before Dishonor (B.M.F. Freestyle). With everybody trying to burn money fast, we wanted to know who burnt the track best.

Young Jeezy “Death Before Dishonor (B.M.F. Freestyle)”

Lupe Fiasco “Building Minds Faster (B.M.F. Freestyle)”

Yo Gotti “B.M.F. Freestyle”

GO TO LAST PAGE TO VOTE FOR BEST “B.M.F.” FREESTYLE

One week after sports writer Bill Simmons announced that he was a fan of Freddie Gibbs, the 2010 XXL Freshman confirmed that he will be appearing on the hugely popular ESPN.com correspondent’s podcast, The BS Report.

It all started last Tuesday, after Simmons took to his twitter account, which boasts over 1.2 million followers, to call Gibbs “The savior of gangsta rap.” Before continuing, “I want him for BS Report in studio. Bleeps be damned.”

When contacted by XXLMag.com, the Gary, Indiana MC, confirmed that he and ESPN’s “sports guy” will be meeting in person soon. “I’m going on The BS Report,” Gibbs said. “We gon’ talk some sports and some gangsta rap, baby.”

According to Gibbs, Bill got his Str8 Killa EP from one of his friends. Asked what his thoughts are on having suck an unlikely fan, Freddie said he was “shocked.”

Stay tuned to XXLMag.com to find out when the show will air. —Jesse Gissen